He wants to be ready for when his first and only friend ever calls him.
Update: He hasn’t had a phone call since.
In 2008 a Japanese couple walking their dog spotted what they thought was a corpse… After calling the police, it turned out it was an elderly man’s sex doll. He was too attached to it to cut it up, so he wrapped it up and left it in the woods.source
It’s like Super Smash Bros but with major emphasis on the Bros.
Is there a big market for shoving LEDs in orifices? I wouldn’t expect nostrils to be high on the list if there was.